A mother, a daughter, a sister, a girlfriend, an ex-wife...... rehabs, mental hospitals, psychologists, AA and a few beautiful years into my sobriety. This is my life, my daily life.....

Wednesday, September 27, 2017

#1 My name is Kim and I’m an alcoholic


I wake up late, like 45 minutes late. Shit. I jump out of bed, I let the dogs out of their crates...LuLu my three month old mini doxie pees on my carpet. Shit. I let them outside. I grab their bowls and measure out their food. I have two mini doxies, LuLu (3 months) and Moose (11 months), I go back out to grab them to eat and step in LuLu’s poop. Shit. They rush inside to eat. Dogs done, check.

Cameron, my son, gets up on his own, walks out of his room, completely naked. I don’t question nor do I even care. I make my cup of coffee and hit the shower. I now have fifty minutes. Shower, makeup, clothes. I scream to Cameron five, six times to get ready, get dressed, get your shoes on and each time he says he is. He must really think I’m supid. If this kid only knew what he would be up against as he grows older, and sneakier and more dishonest. He will not win for I have done it all, and times four. He isnt going to get away with shit. Hold on kid.

Making progress on time, I walk into the kitchen to see my son in his boxer briefs, with scissors, cutting open an Airhead at seven in the morning. I’m not even upset, more disappointed, doesnt he even known how to be sneaky? Why are you using scissors? Who cares, let the kid eat the Airhead. At least he has underwear on now. No, I tell myself do the right “motherly thing.” I grab the Airhead and tell him for the seventh time to get ready. Now, I need to pack the lunches and take the dogs out again before we leave. I’m just not going to make it, screw it- ”Cameron, take the dogs out and I’ll give you an Airhead.” Boom, he’s out the door. Problem solved.

It takes me twenty five minutes to get to work, it’s now 8:20, work begins at 8:30. Getting on the elevator to go up four floors that feels like an eternity, I run into a co-worker who makes a comment about my facebook post of my new puppy, “as if you didnt have enough on your plate you go and get a new puppy.” We laugh and I say “I know right, it’s like I love the choas.” Again we both laugh for he knew who I used to be, and I laugh remembering who I used to be.

My morning chaos is a blessing. Every damn problem I have today is a blessing. There is nothing in my chaos today that is nearly as horrific as my chaos once was. The pain, the agony, the hate, the anger I used to feel every day is now replaced with the tiny anxieties of “will I make it to work on time,” or “I forgot to take chicken out for dinner.” What a beautiful chaos. I am eternally grateful for the mess of a life I have today.

My name is Kim and I am an alcoholic,  I am a mother, a daughter, a sister, a girlfriend, an ex-wife, a co-worker and a friend and this is my blog. Welcome to my beautiful choas.


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